What I liked about caring for Mom at home was that it was all about Mom.  We did not have to accommodate other patients, or rules or even safety guidelines.  We did have to constantly come up with new ideas and solutions.  Often that was my job. Like finding the right kind of incontinence products.  That should not be so hard but once again there is information that is not shared with those that are new to this game.

Caring for someone at home is counter to what our society thinks is the right thing to do.  This set me on a path of conflict with my father which was hard for both of us. At the end of his life he ended up in an extended care facility for seven months and he finally expressed his belief that we had done the right thing for Mom.  I would have done the same care for my Dad but it was not possible.  Once I looked at him with love and said, “Do you know what your favorite word is?”  His reply was a slightly puzzled, “No”.  And therein lay the problem for caring for Dad.  He said no to everything while my Mom would quietly and graciously accept.

Doctors and health care professionals do not encourage what we did for Mom. Perhaps because they see the toll on the living as opposed to the benefits.  Perhaps because they think with all their training they can do a better job than we can with buckets of love.  And sometimes they are right, but not always.

Back to diapers.  Look for them at a specialty store that caters to serious medical conditions.  A store that sells specialty chairs will have way more supplies of much better quality then you will find in a drug store.

During the palliative stage, the nurse was able to supply us incontinence products which were a huge cost saving.  But there was a constant frustration with my team as to how she would dole them out.  Perhaps she had a limited supply or was convinced there was a black market for this higher quality product.  And she was right!  I would have paid any amount of money to provide Mom and the team a product that worked and avoid the frequent bed changes until we got the game figured out.

And don’t forget mattress protectors. Flat absorbent squares that took of care small leaks I found at the drug store under products for bedwetting. The costs of these supplies can be substantial and might be something you can get through a support program.

Once we finally found the right products Mom was snug and dry in the mornings and slept much better.