In this past year there have been lots of terrible stories about nursing homes.  We can hope this will lead to higher quality care and more monitoring of the homes. I want to encourage relatives to continue to advocate strongly for their loved ones.  You have to be involved for the care to be the best it can be.

My husband recently had surgery and I would wait until the night nurse started her shift before heading home.  The nurse came into his room and introduced herself.  My husband informed her that I was waiting to see her so she understood he was not a homeless rubby.  That somebody cared for him and would raise hell if he was not looked after.  She gave him a critical look and said, “You don’t look like a rubby, well at least you don’t smell like one!”  Advocacy is very important in any institutional settings!

I had been sure that at some time I would be moving Mom to a nursing home but discovered that while it was a challenge at each new phase I was able to adapt her care to provide for her in her own home.  A team of angels was essential for this to work.

My Dad was not so fortunate as he was not willing to let me help him and spent the last six months of his life in a nursing home. I often reminded myself that he made these choices himself and while I did not like them they were his choices.

I did discover a few things to make him a bit more comfortable. After being admitted, clients can still go home for visits, overnight stays and holidays. Clients can go out for drives, coffee or wheelchair walks.  All visiting does not have to take place in the home.

You can provide as much extra care as you can afford.  I hired visitors to keep my Dad company and bring him home cooked meals. A medical consultant sat in on his monthly care plan meeting to review his drugs and report to me.  I provided a better quality mattress. It was acceptable to leave a bottle of cognac with the nurses for a single shot nightcap (for Dad, not the nurses). Private physiotherapists visited three times a week to speed his recovery after a fall.  I requested a pressure sensitive mattress pad that would alert the nurse when he got up helping to reduce falls. And there are rubber mat to soften falls when they happen.

Waiting to die is a slow process and the days are long.  Most important I discovered when there are no more words that would bring comfort sitting with my father, quietly holding hands was the best we could do and it was enough.