This is one thing I think I did wrong.  This is where I clung to my memories of my Mother and refused to open my brain to other ideas.  Mom loved the water, she loved to swim and she loved to shower.

I still took her swimming as did some of my care team both in the lake and in a pool.  She would swim the breaststroke and I would nervously watch stroke after stroke, her face in the water not lifting her head to breathe!!  Yikes!!! Finally she would lift her face beaming.  It felt so good to swim.

As the disease progressed she no longer felt safe in the lake.  Perhaps she could not see well enough?  Pool decks were slippery and change rooms cool and then eventually she hated to shower.

We bought a shower chair so she could sit.  We bought a shower bench with a sliding seat.  We had a big chunk of the tub cut out so she did not have to lift her legs to get in. We ripped out the tub and made a beautiful tile bathroom with safety bars and we purchased a shower chair that could be rolled into the shower.

I asked her why she did not like to shower and she did say it was a loss of ability that she mourned more than a loss of privacy.  We covered her with towels for dignity, rubber slippers for security and had a heater that turned the bathroom into a tropical zone.  My team would be drenched with sweat by the time Mom was washed and dried.

And she hated it.  Some days she was fine but other days she would cry and plead. And always she was exhausted. I had a professional care aid come to help with bathing as she had such confidence and speed it made the chore a little less arduous for Mom and the team.

In retrospect, it was me that could not see another way.  Mom was not a stinky sweaty old lady.  Yes, she needed a good shower from time to time but a sponge bath with loving hands would have worked just fine.  Giving her skin the care it needed, refreshing her body so she felt good and not traumatizing her with what used to be.  Forgive me.  I did my best.