Mom had other problems beyond Alzheimer’s and needed multiple surgeries on leg arteries.  Along with her brain her leg arteries were past the best before date. One of our cousins’ thought it would be handy if she lost a foot because then we would not have to worry about her wandering. That is black humor!

Hospitals scared Mom and anesthetic left her confused. She was sure she was being locked up   Our first hospital stay was without planning but subsequent stays went better.  I could not leave Mom alone in the hospital if I did not want to return and see her tied to her bed.

The nurses were poorly trained regarding Alzheimer’s and would speak loudly at Mom telling her where the nurse alert button was not realizing that she was neither deaf not would she remember the button.  I was Mom’s advocate, her voice and I learned I could be powerful and effective if I kept calm.  If you stay out of the nurse’s way and do a good part of their job you will find that you are welcome in the hospital.

But there is much you need to find out for yourself.  A sheepskin costs about $100 and helps to prevent bedsores.  Get one!  There are better quality mattresses in the hospital, ask for one. I hired staff to give me breaks but the hospital can provide a sitter for free when you need a break.  The sitters are not engaging but do keep patients safe while my staff had her laughing and flirting!

And while Mom was being entertained I went shopping and looked for a shower.  A trip to Winners got me a few items to wear as this was a surgery I had not expected.  I felt it was wrong to use the patient shower in the hospital and I was not going to check into a hotel for one hour unless I had a very handsome man with me.  My best option was the youth hostel.  I arrived with my plastic bag of clothes and cosmetics and paid the princely sum of $5.00 for a shower.  I still wonder if they thought I was homeless!

At the hospital there was a fridge I could put a little food in.  A toaster and hot water for tea and coffee whenever we wanted. Warm blankets to keep Mom cozy.

One morning I was sleeping on a gurney in the hallway when the morning coffee server made his rounds of the ward.  I immediately begged the first coffee and as he finished his round he stopped at the nurses’ station and reported, “I have breakfast orders for everyone but the patient on the gurney.” The charge nurse’s eyes flew open wide, “What gurney!  Where!”  By then I had rounded the corner in search of another cup of coffee. I mumbled, “No worries, daughter not patient.  More coffee.  Please.”  The nurse signed in relief.  She had not lost a patient on the night shift!

On future stays we booked a private room and I or a staff member slept on a gurney beside Mom. Music was a helpful distraction as Mom had never been a TV watcher.

One day the nurse was treating one of my Mom’s wounds with a very harsh antiseptic.  Mom was screaming in pain.  I looked at the nurse and asked, “Is this necessary?”  If the answer was yes Mom and I would suffer through the pain.  The nurse said, “It is on the orders” Again, “But is it necessary?”  The nurse said she would ask the charge nurse.  The wound specialist nurse came around and changed the orders to something less painful.  I learned it was okay to challenge the treatment and ask for clarification.

Some drugs are easier on Alzheimer’s brains than others.  I challenged an anesthesiologist and a doctor.  The anesthesiologist did his best to limit the depth of Mom’s sedation and the length of time.  The doctor’s nurse backed me and changed the drug orders.

After a third surgery on the same leg I asked the surgeon if he was good at what he did.  Bless his heart he took that questions as being fair.  And took the time to explain he was pretty much as good as I could get in BC and he was working with very old tissue that did not have elasticity.

On one trip the catheter had not been fitted properly and my Mom was in serious confusion and discomfort.  I did not want to go through that twice.  The second time no problem as everything had been fitted correctly.  Something new learned.

And I learned it is good to politely check the drugs that are being prescribed. On the morning of our discharge the nurse gave Mom a sleeping pill in the morning by mistake.  We were not going to be going anywhere soon!

I also learned that overall the nurses are amazing and it is the system that has flaws. Hospitals are unprepared for the number of patients with Alzheimer’s and the staff is not yet properly trained.  Mom had me so she was going to be okay.   A hospital is full of many stories that are sad and hard. When I felt wrung out I thought about the mothers with children in the hospital with no support and no money and I sucked it up pretty damn fast.  Mom and I were the lucky ones!