When the journey is over, now what?  This was the biggest thing on my plate for many years and suddenly I had been fired, let go, made redundant.  The team I built spun out into their own lives and we made small efforts to touch base once a year.  Mom was the glue, the true team leader and I was her support.  Not enough to hold a team together after the mission was completed.

We finished as a team with a final walk with Mom’s chair taking turns to ride in it.  I visited Mom’s house a few times in the following months and slowly prepared it for renters.  We celebrated a memorial in fall with lots of family and lots of Mom’s amazing recipes.  We ate, we laughed and we cried.

I gave my self time to adjust and truly felt I was doing well.  Occasionally for no reason my eyes would leak for a moment and then my brain would switch to a mundane topic as though it knew I could only handle micro amounts of grief.

A year later I was in the hospital with my husband for him to have a routine procedure.  A tiny whited haired elderly lady was pushed past me on a gurney.  Suddenly, my eyes welled up and I could hardly breath.  I bolted from the hospital totally overwhelmed by my response.  Okay, so maybe I need a bit more time.  Mom was no longer my priority so perhaps for the next year I needed to make myself the priority.   I had time for Mom so I am sure I can find the time for myself!