Parenting parents was new for me.  I never had children so this was a new experience.  Money was a private adult matter that was none of my concern and I could not just tell them what to do, I had to ask. The thing with sending your parents to their room is, sooner or later they come out and stomp their feet in a wobbly way and say, “Wait a minute!  I own this house!”  Finding that combination of being respectful and helpful is tough.

Looking after Mom while Dad was alive was difficult as he had always been a hard working frugal man.  Mom did the finances and Dad could barely read his financial statements.  I simplified his accounts for peace of mind but he was unable to make decisions regarding a reverse mortgage or equity loans.

The idea of putting a mortgage on the house HE had owned for the last fifty years was beyond his thinking and well beyond my ability to convince him.  I felt half the house value should be dedicated to Mom’s care but no go.  My husband and I financed Mom’s care for about two years.  The bill was huge and I am grateful my husband was supportive.

After Dad passed I was able to get some equity out of the house to help Mom.  Had Mom lived longer we would have had to sell the house or do a reverse mortgage to further pay for her care.  The CSIL Grant made a huge difference in stretching the care dollars.  Mom always believed her home was her end of life nest egg and I had no concerns about cracking that egg.

There was lots I did not understand about home equity and reverse mortgages and banking lending in general and the cost of care was well beyond my imagination.  Talk to more than one money manger about the options well before you need the funds. Think creatively! I can’t advise you about money but I do what to advise you to form a plan in advance for your sanity and your parents’ care.